Let the whoring begin

I wrote a book. Now I have to convince you to read it.

My book “Lying Whore” er … “Lying Drunk” arrived on my doorstep today.

Sorry. Was just thinking about what comes next.

I won’t lie - I didn’t write this thing because I want to say I wrote a book. I’ve been writing for a paycheck for 30 years. I’m supposed to be able to do that.

No. I want it to sell it. For a few reasons (here,

buy it, quickly! Lying Drunk)

Obviously … money, yes. Also obviously I believe I’m important enough to have a story worth telling. Might it help someone from becoming a ridiculous alcoholic with stories about crashing his car in front of the police station, driving home with tires deflated and airbags deployed, and waking up with two cops at the end of his bed an hour later?

Maybe. Now that I think of it - yes, Yes, I hope that doesn’t happen to you.

I would love to write books for a living, or at least so I can be pickier about the journalism in which I partake. Hopefully this helps move that idea along.

But the best reason, really, is this next part (the whoring). Not because I like selling myself so much. But - as the book clearly demonstrates - I’m an alcoholic. As such, the worst thing I can do is isolate. Loneliness, isolation, boredom … all the sworn enemy of the vodka-challenged.

I have to promote this thing. I have to talk to human beings. I have to get out of the house and sell it. I have to convince everyone I know - or used to know - to buy it. And guess what that means?

Well, yes. It does mean a couple more dollars going toward Jeff Bezos’ quest for a fourth elevator in his third mansion. But it means I’m not home isolating. I’m out connecting. Even better, I’m re-connecting. I’m talking to old friends and making new ones (hopefully).

The worst thing alcohol does, short of nuking your liver and outright killing you, is taking away the other humans. The spouses, the family members, the friends … if you’re bad enough, they all go away. Or you go away from them, because you isolate out of fear, shame and embarrassment.

I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I can’t be.

That already happens as we get older and science repeatedly tells us that isolation kills us sooner than we need to go. I don’t want to go yet.

I hope you read it and I hope you laugh. I also hope it helps you better understand what addiction can do to us. It’s something for which I’ve been to rehab at least 10 times (I honestly lost count). So I’ve learned a lot. And I still have no clue how you put a substance before your kids, your significant other, your parents, your career … I still just don’t get it.

But I don’t have to. I just have to stay away from the stuff … whoring my book, I guess. Which beats being in the ground.

Buy said book at Lying Drunk